People Pleaser? No Boundaries? Guess what people don’t like YOU
May 02, 2024
Now that I have your attention I want you to really hear me on this.
I was recently working with a client on her boundaries. I asked her - why is it so hard at that moment to set that boundary with someone. And she answered - I don’t want them to stop liking me.
Seems reasonable, right? Well, it’s not. Because that person does not like YOU. They don’t even know you.
They might like the way that you make them feel. They might like that they get to be whoever they want and do whatever they want around you. They might enjoy how nice you act towards them.
BUT - they don’t actually know you. They don’t know your true likes, your opinions, why you are triggered by something they do.
If you are holding those things back then it is close to impossible for you to be your wonderful authentic self with them. You don’t feel safe expressing yourself.
You might not be fully grasping that when you don’t risk some people not liking you, you will never have the beautiful experience of someone really knowing YOU and liking YOU.
Oh this was a tough lesson for me to learn. I was obsessed with making sure everyone liked me. If I would get the smallest inkling that someone might not like me, I would obsess about it. Beat myself up about it. Go down a shame cycle.
My AHA moment came when I realized that when I was in that shame cycle - I was not paying attention to the amazing people in my life that like ME. People who respected me and my boundaries and all of the messiness that comes with me.
It took alot of courage for me to allow people not to like me. I started to see this as a gift. It allowed me to move on and look for MY people.
This was such a big AHA for my client that she took steps to set her first big boundary the very next day. She emailed me later saying how proud she was of herself and how it was actually not even a big deal with her colleague.
Are you ready to learn how to gently set important boundaries? Check out my new program
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