The Practice that Changed Everything for Me (that psychologists support 100%)

The Practice that Changed Everything for Me 

(that psychologists support 100%)

It’s boring.  It’s been talked about alot.  You’re probably sick of hearing about it.  But you probably haven’t really tried it yet. 

Well, that’s a cheeky thing to say.  You may also be doing it… 

The practice?  GRATITUDE. 

Ok ok - I heard you grunting…  but just hear me out. 

For those of you who have known me for a long time - you know that I used to be a cynic.  I wouldn’t have called myself a cynic - I often hid behind the title of ‘realist’. 

The truth was that  I could point out 8 horrible things on the most beautiful day.   I started conversations with something to complain about.  I obsessed with situations where someone treated me ‘wrong’. 

 I often did this with lots of energy and smiles - but I didn’t fool anyone.  It was toxic.  To me and those around me. 

You see, I wired my brain to see the negative things.  We are naturally wired for a negativity bias - this is where negative events impact us much deeper than positive events. Psychologists believe that this was an evolutionary survival technique. (read more about it here: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias) 

I deeply leaned into my negativity bias.  It felt SO good to complain. I got great responses from those who felt similarly. I never lacked a conversation topic. 

But it was hurting me. 

I would stew and simmer in negative things ALL day long. It was time for a change. 

I heard about gratitude practice from my meditation teachers but finally got convinced when I read studies that showed how it can rewire your brain. 

I started on my walks to work in the morning.  It quickly became a habit.  I didn’t notice a difference at first but within a couple of weeks - I started to really enjoy the small things around me.  Like sunshine on my face, or a smile from a stranger, or the smell of coffee. Things that I didn’t pay much attention to before. 

This started to quickly translate to my experience at work.  I didn’t stew over the negative email I received - instead, I enjoyed the collaboration with my team. I didn’t get frustrated with a difficult client - instead, I leaned into a wonderful conversation with a client. 

The changes were subtle at first but really made an impact over time.  I started to feel joyful for no reason. Not happy - JOYFUL.  That inner bubbling of joy that I realized I could feel anytime I wanted. 

A major CON of this experiment was that I started to feel repelled by people who were complaining all the time.  Those irrational complaints I used to enjoy were now annoying.  I moved away from negative friendships and started to seek out other positive people. 

I also started to thrive at work.  I would spend more time on things that I really enjoyed.  I would look for joy where I could, in things that I typically didn’t like so much. I became more creative.  Most importantly, I started to feel more energetic. 

If you feel ready to give this practice a go.  Here are the steps. 

• Either through writing or in your mind - think of 5 things you are grateful for. 
• Concentrate on each thing for about 20-30 seconds really feeling the joy in it. Emotions are an important part of re-wiring your brain. 
• Make sure you’re grateful for something new/different each time: Ex.  I’m grateful for the conversation I had with my partner this morning vs.  I’m grateful for my partner.  The uniqueness is important here. 
• Practice this at the same time each day.  Try habit stacking - which means - adding it to a habit you’re already doing.  For me, it was walking to work. 
• Repeat daily.