The Practice that changed everything
The Practice that Changed Everything for Me (that psychologists support 100%)
It’s boring. It’s been talked about alot. You’re probably sick of hearing about it. But you probably haven’t really tried it yet.
Well, that’s a cheeky thing to say. You may also be doing it…
The practice? GRATITUDE.
Ok ok - I heard you grunting… but just hear me out.
For those of you who have known me for a long time - you know that I used to be a cynic. I wouldn’t have called myself a cynic - I often hid behind the title of ‘realist’.
The truth was that I could point out 8 horrible things on the most beautiful day. I started conversations with something to complain about. I obsessed with situations where someone treated me ‘wrong’.
I often did this with lots of energy and smiles - but I didn’t fool anyone. It was toxic. To me and those around me.
You see, I wired my brain to see the negative things. We are naturally wired for a negativity bias - this is where negative events impact us much deeper than positive events. Psychologists believe that this was an evolutionary survival technique. (read more about it here: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias)
I deeply leaned into my negativity bias. It felt SO good to complain. I got great responses from those who felt similarly. I never lacked a conversation topic.
But it was hurting me.
I would stew and simmer in negative things ALL day long. It was time for a change.
I heard about gratitude practice from my meditation teachers but finally got convinced when I read studies that showed how it can rewire your brain.
I started on my walks to work in the morning. It quickly became a habit. I didn’t notice a difference at first but within a couple of weeks - I started to really enjoy the small things around me. Like sunshine on my face, or a smile from a stranger, or the smell of coffee. Things that I didn’t pay much attention to before.
This started to quickly translate to my experience at work. I didn’t stew over the negative email I received - instead, I enjoyed the collaboration with my team. I didn’t get frustrated with a difficult client - instead, I leaned into a wonderful conversation with a client.
The changes were subtle at first but really made an impact over time. I started to feel joyful for no reason. Not happy - JOYFUL. That inner bubbling of joy that I realized I could feel anytime I wanted.
A major CON of this experiment was that I started to feel repelled by people who were complaining all the time. Those irrational complaints I used to enjoy were now annoying. I moved away from negative friendships and started to seek out other positive people.
I also started to thrive at work. I would spend more time on things that I really enjoyed. I would look for joy where I could, in things that I typically didn’t like so much. I became more creative. Most importantly, I started to feel more energetic.
If you feel ready to give this practice a go. Here are the steps.
Either through writing or in your mind - think of 5 things you are grateful for.
Concentrate on each thing for about 20-30 seconds really feeling the joy in it. Emotions are an important part of re-wiring your brain.
Make sure you’re grateful for something new/different each time: Ex. I’m grateful for the conversation I had with my partner this morning vs. I’m grateful for my partner. The uniqueness is important here.
Practice this at the same time each day. Try habit stacking - which means - adding it to a habit you’re already doing. For me, it was walking to work.
Repeat daily.
